Very Rev Father Calin Tamiian 1974 - 2026

 "CREDINTA NOASTRA ESTE VIATA NOASTRA!”

On October 6th in the early morning hours, God’s faithful servant Romanian Byzantine Catholic Arch-Priest Calin Liviu Tamiian passed into eternal life. He will be profoundly missed by many people whose lives were blessed by his loving presence. He suffered a sudden cardiac event at the Loyola Retreat House in Clinton, Ohio where he and his brother priests had convened to pray and renew their Faith. His legacy is a testimony to the love of God and devoted pastoral service.

Father Calin lived a very meaningful and beautiful life. He was born on April 21st, 1974, in Bistria România, the eldest son of his dear parents, Maria Ghita and Col. Grigore Tamiian, who raised him to be a loving and hard-working man. He grew up as a proud Transylvanian, rooted in the rich cultural traditions of his beloved homeland, for he experienced both city and country life since his parents lived and worked alternately in the city of Baia-Mare, in the county of Mara-mures, as well as on the family farm in the countryside near the of villages of Ardusat and Bordlesti. He loved being in nature and appreciated and cherished the people he encountered. His childhood prepared him for the many years of service and care that would be his future calling. A priest’s hands are consecrated for holy work, and this suited Father Calin, for he always loved working with his hands, whether that might be in the kitchen, garden, or amongst his family's beehives. Poetry and music were formative influences in his life. His beautiful singing voice will echo in our memory, and when he spoke, his words conveyed a depth of beauty, wisdom, kindness, and good direction. The work of his life was very serious and solemn, but Father Calin always added levity and good humor to remind us that the work of Faith is complete only when lit up by the joy of love. He loved to go out fishing and swimming, and his love of being with family in nature will always be remembered.

Father Calin recognized his priestly vocation at the age of eighteen, when he was present at the ordination of the late Cardinal Lucian Muresan, and soon after, he entered into seminary. He spent two summers in France at the Benedictine monastery of Solesmes, studying Liturgy and Theology. He also served a mission with Mother Theresa’s Sisters of Charity in Bucharest, Romania, that awakened in him an enduring love of Mission Life and a desire to work to promote the dignity of the human person and to ensure authentic healthcare. While in seminary, he became a Third Order Augustinian, attracted by the charisms of humility, generosity, contemplation of God, and commitment to communal life.

1996 was a year that changed his life in a wonderful way, for he studied at the Language and Catechetical Institute of Franciscan University in Gaming Austria, and there he met his future wife, Sarah Anne Wendell. Following the call of service and love, he moved to the United States of America in 1997 to earn a Masters degree in Sacred Theology through the University of Dallas at its satellite campus in Portland, Oregon, allowing him to live near Sarah’s family. There, in 1998, he married Sarah in Sublimity, Oregon at Saint Boniface Catholic Church, the marriage ceremony presided over and blessed by Bishop John Micheal Botean, now Bishop Kurt Burnett, and (+) Fr. Frank Knusel, of cherished memory.

In 1999, Calin and Sarah welcomed their first born daughter, Sânziana, named for the golden flowers growing in Romania that time of year. Only a few months later, another beautiful change and challenge and opportunity for service came to them, as Calin was invited to move to St. George Byzantine Catholic Cathedral in Canton, Ohio, to be ordained a Deacon and work as the secretary for Bishop John Micheal Botean. Now Deacon Calin, true to his standard of “redeeming the time”, entered a residency program for clinical pastoral education (Hospital Chaplaincy) at the Cleveland Clinic. He became an even busier Deacon, Secretary, Husband, and Daddy when Sarah and he were blessed to welcome their second daughter, Magdalena, named for the saint who washed the feet of Jesus, and whose penitence turned to missionary zeal and brought the Gospel to France. Deacon Calin was greatly inspired by the great saints, and worked himself to become one. His many hours of study earned him a second Masters in Chaplaincy. He also became a nationally Board Certified chaplain. He was touching the lives of suffering people with comfort and the support of his prayer.

Then, on May 26, 2002, Calin took the greatest step a man can take and was ordained to the Priesthood, to be a living image of our Savior Jesus, and commit to serve the Church. He then moved his young family to Los Angeles, to serve the community of St. Mary’s Romanian Catholic Church. During this time he worked as staff chaplain and later director of spiritual care at St. John’s Hospital Dignity Health in Oxnard and Camarillo, California, which office he held until July 2020. Here in California, two more beautiful children were born. Alexandru, named after two warriors, one a conqueror of nations and the other hearts for Christ. And Zamfira was named in memory of a holy woman and a beloved Romanian poem.

The Romanian Catholic outreach in Southern California was growing, and so Father Calin began St. John the Evangelist Romanian Catholic Mission in Oxnard, California, and supported the founding of St. John the Baptist Romanian Catholic Mission in Orange County. Having been granted priestly faculties to perform both Byzantine and Roman Catholic rites, and so he added to his pastoral care that of Santa Clara Roman Catholic Church, Sisters Servants of Mary Convent, Cedar Sinai Hospital, and many other churches in the Archdiocese of LA. He served as the chaplain of two different Knights of Columbus councils, the Port Hueneme Police Department, and served the needs of the Port Hueneme military base. He was a chaplain for the large cargo ships when they were stationed at the port. Father Calin was known to say he served in every form of chaplaincy.

2014 was a climactic year of celebration for Father Calin when he became an American citizen. This was a time when many of the currents of his life flowed into one great swell of love and joy for his new home. The mission spirit of California galvanized his own dynamic “yes” to sharing the Gospel. He and his family flourished in the sunshine of California, loving the beauty of the Pacific Ocean, and bravely meeting the demands of his jobs.

In July of 2020 the Tamiian family moved to Nashville, Tennessee when Father Calin became director of spiritual care for the Middle Tennessee Ascension St. Thomas hospital system, which was a step forward in his passion for mission integration and ethical patient care.

Father Calin began his doctorate of hospital ethics at Loyola University Chicago which remains nearly completed. Bishop John Michael then gave him the responsibilities of archpriest for the Western portion of the United States. During the pandemic, after celebrating Liturgy in the home every Sunday with family and friends, he opened Blessed Martyr Bishops Romanian Catholic Mission on the feast of Theophany 2023.

Through dozens of baptisms and chrismations and years of dedicated service, Father Calin built a community of faith, providing the only Byzantine Catholic Divine Liturgy in Middle Tennessee. “Our faith is our life” was the personal motto of Father Calin, and became so for the whole community.

He died of a sudden cardiac event at the Loyal Retreat House while attending a priestly retreat with his brother priests and Bishop John Micheal Botean.

He was an incredibly faithful priest, and his ministries have impacted thousands of lives. The most impactful was the way he molded and formed his four children. He was an incredible father and husband. And he would be seen in all stages of his work with his children and wife in tow.

He loved nature, poetry, architecture. He had the soul of an artist. And much of his ministry came from that. His children and wife were an active part in his ministry with the Tamiian family motto being Nihil Sine Deo.

He is preceded in death by his mother Maria Ghita Tamiian, son John Paul, mother in law Carolyn Wendell, his grand parents Grigore and Livia Tamiian, George and Minerva Ghita, aunts Florica and Geta, niece Miriam Dauvin, Godmother Zamfira, and Georgeta Barcutian among other family and friends

He is survived by his wife Preoteasa Sarah Anne, his children Sânziana Maria (27) Magdalena Carolina (26) Alexandru Grigore (19) and Zamfira Georgeta (17) his father Col. Grigore Tamiian, brother George Tamiian, niece Raisa Maria and father-in-law David Wendell along with many sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, and uncles and his community of Blessed Martyr Bishops and countless spiritual children.

We hope in the resurrection. We are utterly devastated and live to be reunited. May his memory be eternal.

In lieu of flowers, please donate to Blessed Martyr Bishops Romanian Greek Catholic mission. https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/donate-to-our-byzantine-catholic-mission

Translated to Romanian:

Credinta noastră este viata noastră!”

În dimineata zilei de 6 octombrie, în primele ore ale zilei, credinciosul slujitor al lui Dumnezeu, părintele protopop Calin Liviu Tamiian, preot greco-catolic român, a trecut la viata vesnică. Lipsa sa va fi profund resimtită de sutele de oameni ale căror vieti au fost binecuvântate de prezena sa iubitoare. A suferit un episod cardiac subit la Casa de Reculegere Loyola din Clinton, Ohio, unde se reunise cu fratii săi preoi pentru rugăciune si reînnoirea credintei. Mostenirea sa spirituală este o mărturie a iubirii lui Dumnezeu si a slujirii pastorale pline de devotament.

Părintele Calin a trăit o viată frumoasă si plină de sens. S-a născut la 21 aprilie 1974, în Bistrita, România, fiind fiul cel mare al iubitilor săi părinti, Maria Ghita si colonelul Grigore Tamiian, care l-au crescut să fie un om iubitor si harnic. A crescut mândru de originile sale transilvănene, adânc înrădăcinat în bogatele traditii culturale ale patriei sale iubite. A cunoscut atât viata de oras, cât si pe cea de la tară, deoarece părintii săi au locuit si au lucrat alternativ în oraul Baia Mare, din judetul Maramures, si la gospodăria familiei de la tară, în apropierea satelor Ardusat si Borlesti.

Iubea natura i îi preuia pe oamenii pe care îi întâlnea. Copilăria l-a pregătit pentru numerotii ani de slujire si grijă fată de ceilalti, care aveau să devină chemarea vietii sale. Mâinile unui preot sunt consacrate lucrării sfinte, iar această chemare i se potrivea părintelui Calin, căci îi plăcea dintotdeauna să lucreze cu mâinile, fie în bucătărie, în grădină sau printre stupii de albine ai familiei.

Poezia si muzica au avut o influentă formatoare asupra vietii sale. Vocea sa frumoasă va răsuna mereu în amintirea noastră, iar atunci când vorbea, cuvintele sale transmiteau o profundă frumusete, întelepciune, bunătate si îndrumare. Lucrarea vietii sale era foarte serioasă si solemnă, însă părintele Calin aducea întotdeauna voie bună si umor, amintindu-ne că lucrarea credintei este deplină numai atunci când este luminată de bucuria iubirii. Îi plăcea să meargă la pescuit si să înoate, iar dragostea sa pentru timpul petrecut în natură alături de familie va rămâne mereu în amintirea noastră.

Părintele Calin si-a recunoscut vocatia preotească la vârsta de optsprezece ani, când a fost prezent la hirotonirea regretatului cardinal Lucian Muresan, iar la scurt timp după aceea a intrat la seminar. A petrecut două veri în Franta, la mănăstirea benedictină din Solesmes, studiind liturghia si teologia.

De asemenea, a participat la o misiune alături de Surorile Caritătii ale Maicii Tereza, în Bucuresti, România, experientă care a trezit în el o dragoste durabilă pentru viata misionară si dorinta de a promova demnitatea persoanei umane si de a asigura o îngrijire medicală autentică. În timpul seminarului, a devenit membru al Ordinului Tertiar Augustinian, atras de carismele smereniei, generozitătii, contemplării lui Dumnezeu si angajamentului fată de viata comunitară.

Anul 1996 i-a schimbat viata într-un mod minunat. A studiat la Institutul de Limbi si Cateheză al Universitătii Franciscane din Gaming, Austria, unde a cunoscut-o pe viitoarea sa sotie, Sarah Anne Wendell.

Urmând chemarea slujirii si a iubirii, s-a mutat în Statele Unite ale Americii în 1997, pentru a obine o diplomă de master în Teologie Sacră la Universitatea din Dallas, prin campusul său din Portland, Oregon, ceea ce i-a permis să locuiască aproape de familia lui Sarah.

Acolo, în 1998, s-a căsătorit cu Sarah, în Sublimity, Oregon, la Biserica Catolică Sfântul Bonifaciu. Ceremonia căsătoriei a fost oficiată si binecuvântată de episcopul John Michael Botean, de actualul episcop Kurt Burnett si de părintele Frank Knusel (), a cărui amintire rămâne pretuită.

În 1999, Calin si Sarah au întâmpinat-o pe lume pe prima lor fiică, Sânziana, numită după florile aurii care înfloresc în România în acea perioadă a anului.

Doar câteva luni mai târziu, o altă schimbare frumoasă, dar si o provocare si o oportunitate de slujire, au apărut în viata lor. Calin a fost invitat să se mute la Catedrala Greco-Catolică Sfântul Gheorghe din Canton, Ohio, pentru a fi hirotonit diacon si pentru a lucra ca secretar al episcopului John Michael Botean.

Devenit diacon, Calin, credincios principiului său de a răscumpăra timpul”, a început un program de rezidentiat în educatie pastorală clinică (capelanie spitalicească) la Cleveland Clinic.

A devenit un diacon, secretar, sot si tată si mai ocupat atunci când el si Sarah au fost binecuvântati cu venirea pe lume a celei de-a doua fiice, Magdalena, numită după sfânta care a spălat picioarele lui Isus si a cărei pocăintă s-a transformat în zel misionar, ducând Evanghelia în Franta.

Diaconul Calin era profund inspirat de marii sfinti i se străduia el însui să devină unul. Numeroasele ore de studiu i-au adus o a doua diplomă de master, în capelanie. A devenit, de asemenea, capelan certificat la nivel national de un organism profesional de acreditare. A atins vietile oamenilor aflati în suferintă, oferindu-le mângâiere i sprijin prin rugăciunile sale.

Apoi, la 26 mai 2002, Calin a făcut cel mai important pas pe care îl poate face un bărbat: a fost hirotonit preot, pentru a deveni o imagine vie a Mântuitorului nostru Isus si pentru a se dedica slujirii Bisericii.

Si-a mutat apoi tânăra familie la Los Angeles, pentru a sluji comunitatea Bisericii Catolice Române Sfânta Maria. În această perioadă, a lucrat ca preot capelan al spitalului, iar ulterior ca director al departamentului de îngrijire spirituală la Spitalul St. John's din cadrul Dignity Health, în Oxnard si Camarillo, California, functie pe care a detinut-o până în iulie 2020.

Aici, în California, familia s-a îmbogătit cu încă doi copii minunati, Alexandru si Zamfira.

Comunitatea catolică românească din sudul Californiei era în crestere, astfel că părintele Calin a întemeiat Misiunea Catolică Română Sfântul Ioan Evanghelistul din Oxnard, California, si a sprijinit înfiinarea Misiunii Catolice Române Sfântul Ioan Botezătorul din Orange County.

Primind facultătile preotesti necesare pentru a celebra atât în ritul bizantin, cât si în cel latin, si-a extins grija pastorală asupra Bisericii Romano-Catolice Santa Clara, Mănăstirii Surorilor Slujitoare ale Mariei, Spitalului Cedars-Sinai si multor altor biserici din Arhidieceza de Los Angeles.

A slujit drept capelan pentru două consilii diferite ale Cavalerilor lui Columb, pentru Departamentul de Politie din Port Hueneme si pentru personalul bazei militare din Port Hueneme. A fost, de asemenea, capelan pentru marile nave de transport de mărfuri atunci când acestea se aflau în port. Părintele Calin obisnuia să spună că a slujit în toate formele de capelanie.

Anul 2014 a fost pentru părintele Calin un an de mare sărbătoare, când a devenit cetăean american.

Spiritul misionar al Californiei i-a întărit propriul da”, dinamic si hotărât, fată de împărtăsirea Evangheliei. El si familia sa au înflorit sub soarele Californiei, bucurându-se de frumuseea Oceanului Pacific si înfruntând cu curaj responsabilitătile profesionale.

În iulie 2020, familia Tamiian s-a mutat la Nashville, Tennessee, când părintele Calin a devenit director al departamentului de îngrijire spirituală pentru sistemul spitalicesc Ascension St. Thomas din regiunea Middle Tennessee. Această functie a reprezentat un pas înainte în pasiunea sa pentru integrarea misiunii spirituale în activitatea medicală i pentru îngrijirea etică a pacientilor.

Părintele Calin si-a început studiile doctorale în etică spitalicească la Universitatea Loyola din Chicago, studii pe care le-a adus aproape de finalizare.

Episcopul John Michael i-a încredintat apoi responsabilitătile de protopop pentru partea de vest a Statelor Unite.

În timpul pandemiei, după ce a celebrat Sfânta Liturghie în fiecare duminică acasă, alături de familie si prieteni, a deschis Misiunea Catolică Română a Fericitilor Episcopi Martiri, la sărbătoarea Teofaniei din 2023.

Prin zeci de botezuri si mirungeri si prin ani de slujire devotată, părintele Calin a construit o comunitate de credintă, oferind singura Sfântă si Dumnezeiască Liturghie catolică de rit bizantin din regiunea Middle Tennessee.

Credinta noastră este viata noastră” era deviza personală a părintelui Calin si a devenit deviza întregii comunităti.

A trecut la cele vesnice în urma unui episod cardiac subit la Casa de Reculegere Loyola, în timp ce participa la o reculegere preotească împreună cu fratii săi preoti si cu episcopul John Michael Botean.

A fost un preot de o credintă extraordinară, iar slujirea sa a influentat vietile a mii de oameni. Însă cea mai profundă influentă a avut-o asupra celor patru copii ai săi, pe care i-a crescut si i-a format.

A fost un tată si un sot extraordinar. În toate etapele slujirii sale, putea fi văzut însotit de sotia i copiii săi.

Iubea natura, poezia si arhitectura. Avea suflet de artist, iar o mare parte a slujirii sale izvora din această sensibilitate.

Copiii si sotia sa au participat activ la misiunea sa pastorală, deviza familiei Tamiian fiind Nihil Sine Deo — Nimic fără Dumnezeu”.

Înaintea sa au trecut la cele vesnice mama sa, Maria Ghita Tamiian; fiul său, Ioan Paul; soacra sa, Carolyn Wendell; bunicii săi, Grigore si Livia Tamiian, George si Minerva Ghita; mătusile sale, Florica i Geta; nasa sa, Zamfira; si Georgeta Barcutian, alături de alti membri ai familiei si prieteni.

În urma sa rămân sotia sa, preoteasa Sarah Anne; copiii săi, Sânziana Maria (27 de ani), Magdalena Carolina (26 de ani), Alexandru Grigore (19 ani) si Zamfira Georgeta (17 ani); tatăl său, colonelul Grigore Tamiian; fratele său, George Tamiian; nepoata sa, Raisa Maria; si socrul său, David Wendell.

De asemenea, rămân numeroase cumnate si cumnai, nepoate si nepoti, veri i verisoare, mătusi si unchi, precum si comunitatea Fericitilor Episcopi Martiri si nenumăratii săi fii si fiice duhovnicesti.

Ne punem nădejdea în Înviere. Desi suntem coplesii de durere, trăim cu speranta de a ne reîntâlni.

În veci pomenirea Lui!

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society: a lovely movie for tens and adults

ah Netflix.... clicking through the shows and movies....blech...meh.... saw it....blech- and then ahh! Perhaps this selection will be worthwhile! yes- this priest's wife- raised on the British shows on PBS 30 years ago... it was satisfying- perhaps a bit predictable- but lovely!

Christian marriage isn't all ladyfinger cookies & honey.... (a re-post)

Today is just a day in late January; I thought I would re-post this 'oldie but goodie' for my Wednesday marriage series (has anyone noticed how organized I am this year-hahaha)...

It is just a Monday in October, nowhere near our wedding anniversary. Simcha Fisher reposted a reflection on her wedding and marriage over here, and I just had to respond with our own story. 

my parents' Roman-rite parish- our wedding was Byzantine-rite, however- courtesy of our bishop, a future bishop-then-priest and a third priest and us cantoring...

We were as poor as church mice. No- really. When the travelling priest asked my future husband to buy toilet paper for the church mission where he was bunking, he bought the paper and lived on eggs and peanut butter for a few days. We bought gas with change, but not even quarters.  He was in the states for almost 9 months with just a 'religious volunteer' visa (his Master's degree program didn't have enough credit hours per semester to qualify for a student visa with a right to work), so by the time we were married, we were really poor. The bride's maids' dresses above were just $25 at JC Penny! The photographer was a friend from church. The calla lilies- not really my favorite flowers, but now they have to be- were in season and free in various neighbor's yards (my son just read the text above, shocked that we were poor when we got married- "but mom- look at your dress- it is such a rich, beautiful fabric!" Poverty is very, very relative, son- and grandma and grandpa bought the dress!).

Because of visa and money probems, none of my husband's family from Romania was there. There would be a Romanian couple to sing "Dance, Isaiah," but we would be missing so many of the traditions important to a Romanian family. I was determined to find the ladyfinger cookies to dip in my father-in-law's honey, a symbol of life being sweet in a holy marriage.

I did not get my hair done. My fingernails were unbuffed and bare. My make up was basically mascara and lipstick (ladies- you know that is nothing for a wedding!). I was nervous, knowing that I would have to cantor the wedding with my becoming-husband because our planned-for cantor decided to convert to Orthodoxy the week before. But I had one mission- to find those ladyfingers.

And after a few stores, in the hours before our wedding, found them I did. After a long, all-sung wedding ceremony and potifical Divine Liturgy on Pentecost Sunday, we shared the ladyfingers with honey and the common cup. And life is sweet, even when we are running around, distracted by the mundane. Marriage is about giving your all to the spouse, and we attempt to do that even in our sinfullness. I could have-should have bought the ladyfingers earlier, but I didn't because my future-husband got it into his head the day before that this was a tradtiion that he wanted to uphold. He didn't know that Ameria is a ladyfinger-cookie-limited-place. But we make it work, then and now, even through the limitations. 

Building Christian Marriage: words from Tertullian

"How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice.

They are as brother and sister, both servants of the same Master. Nothing divides them, either in flesh or in Spirit. They are in very truth, two in one flesh; and where there is but one flesh there is also but one spirit.

They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another.

Side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another, they never shun each other’s company; they never bring sorrow to each other’s hearts… Psalms and hymns they sing to one another.

Hearing and seeing this, Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present, and where He is, there evil is not."

from a letter by Tertullian, an Early Church Father, to his wife, ca. 202 AD, showing the great esteem for the sacrament of holy matrimony in the days of the early church

Old-fashioned, traditional marriage advice from a 4th century celibate

Pick Virtue Rather than Riches When Selecting a Good Husband

First, look for a husband who will really be a husband and a protector; remember that you are placing a head on a body. When your daughter is to be married, don’t look for how much money a man has. Don’t worry about his nationality or his family’s social position […] When you are satisfied that the man is virtuous and decide what day they will be married, beseech Christ to be present at the wedding. He is not ashamed to come for marriage is an image of His presence in the Church. Even better than this: pray that your children will each find such a virtuous spouse; entrust this concern of yours into His hands. If you honor Him in this way, He will return honor for honor.

Advice on How to Pick a Wife

Since we know all this, let us seek just one thing in a wife, virtue of soul and nobility of character, so that we may enjoy tranquility, so that we may luxuriate in harmony and lasting love. The man who takes a rich wife takes a boss rather than a wife. If even without wealth women are with pride and prone to the love of fame, if they have wealth in addition, how will their husbands be able to stand them? The man, however, who takes a wife of equal position or poorer than himself takes a helper and ally and brings every blessing into his house. Her own poverty forces her to care for her husband with great concern, to yield to him and obey him in everything. It removes every occasion of strife, battle, presumption, and pride. It binds the couple in peace, harmony, love, and concord. Let us not, therefore, seek to have money, but to have peace, in order to enjoy happiness. Marriage does not exist to fill our houses with war and battles, to give us strife and contention, to pit us against each other and make our life unlivable. It exists in order that we may enjoy another’s help, that we may have a harbor, a refuge, and a consolation in troubles which hang over us, and that we may converse happily with our wife. How many wealthy men who have taken rich wives and increased their substance have yet destroyed their happiness and harmony, as they contend in daily battles at table? How many poor men who have taken poorer wives now enjoy peace and look upon each day’s  sun with joy? 

(Chrysostom, St. John. On Marriage and Family Life. Crestwood, NY: St. Vladimir’s Seminary Press, 1986)

Does this advice still hold true or do we moderns know better? 

be pro-life- smile at a mom & her screaming toddler

Pro-lifers are readying themselves for the annual March for Life  Different groups are doing different things, but prayer and demonstrations seem to be the popular manifestations for this time.  

If we say that we are pro-life- let's mean it and show this with our actions! Prayer is a beautiful thing, but maybe that mom needs your help with opening that door- she has 2 kids in her arms.  Please don't joke that that family needs a television; it's insulting and anti-life. Bring a meal to welcome the newest addition and have your teenager mow their lawn- with permission, of course. Hand-me-down clothes are very welcome, but check the clothing for rips and stains. If Goodwill wouldn't sell it, the local big family down the street probably wouldn't wear it to Mass. And perhaps above all, have mercy with little children that are squirmy at church. I guarantee you- the parents are doing their best to wrangle those kids.  They woke up, got the kids ready and out the door when the majority of Americans were still abed. They are in church, trying to instill in their children all the values of Christianity. Give that harried mom a smile as she takes a screaming  three-year old out of Mass. Invite them to your table at coffee and doughnuts. Make that super-sized family (in most parts of the US, any family with over 2 or 3 kids- not applicable to Franciscan U and TAC areas) welcome.

How in the world can inviting a big family to your coffee and doughnut table be pro-life, you ask? We need to build a culture of life where children are welcome. We need to make it easier for a family to have that next kid (perhaps through lower taxation?). Did you know that 60% of abortions are performed on women who are already mothers? (source- the blog "And Sometimes Tea") Prayer is essential, but action is too. If all pro-lifers were active in doing pro-life prayer and work (making meals, knitting booties, working at a soup kitchen, calling a new mom, mowing lawns, painting fences, fixing vans, babysitting for nothing or nominal fees, whatever is appropriate to the stage in life and ability or talent), we would make it less scary for these moms to welcome life even in difficult moments.

This post was inspired by an old post I read at Abigail's Alcove about needing help and not really getting it when her very ill baby was in the NICU 

Celebrating & Strengthening Christian Marriage- start your life together in holiness

a portion of St John Chrysostom's Homily 20 on Marriage - Ephesians 5:22-24

Let your prayers be common. Let each go to Church; and let the husband ask his wife at home, and she again ask her husband, the account of the things which were said and read there. If any poverty should overtake you, cite the case of those holy men, Paul and Peter, who were more honored than any kings or rich men; and yet how they spent their lives, in hunger and in thirst. Teach her that there is nothing in life that is to be feared, save only offending against God. If any marry thus, with these views, he will be but little inferior to monks; the married but little below the unmarried.

If you have a mind to give dinners, and to make entertainments, let there be nothing immodest, nothing disorderly. If you should find any poor saint able to bless your house, able only just by setting his foot in it to bring in the whole blessing of God, invite him. And shall I say moreover another thing? Let no one of you make it his endeavor to marry a rich woman, but much rather a poor one. When she comes in, she will not bring so great a source of pleasure from her riches, as she will annoyance from her taunts, from her demanding more than she brought, from her insolence, her extravagance, her vexatious language. For she will say perhaps, I have not yet spent anything of yours, I am still wearing my own apparel, bought with what my parents settled upon me. What do you say, O woman? Still wearing your own! And what can be more miserable than this language? Why, you have no longer a body of your own, and have you money of your own? 

After marriage you are no longer two, but have become one flesh, and are then your possessions two, and not one? Oh! This love of money! You both have become one man, one living creature; and do you still say my own? Cursed and abominable word that it is, it was brought in by the devil. Things far nearer and dearer to us than these has God made all common to us, and are these then not common? We cannot say, my own light, my own sun, my own water: all our greater blessings are common, and are riches not common? Perish the riches ten thousand times over! Or rather not the riches, but those tempers of mind which know not how to make use of riches, but esteem them above all things.

Teach her these lessons also with the rest, but with much graciousness. For since the recommendation of virtue has in itself much that is stern, and especially to a young and tender damsel, whenever discourses on true wisdom are to be made, contrive that your manner be full of grace and kindness. And above all banish this notion from her soul, of mine and yours. If she say the word mine, say unto her, What things do you call yours? For in truth I know not; I for my part have nothing of my own. How then do you speak of 'mine,' when all things are yours? Freely grant her the word. Do you not perceive that such is our practice with children? When, while we are holding anything, a child snatches it, and wishes again to get hold of some other thing, we allow it, and say, Yes, and this is yours, and that is yours. The same also let us do with a wife; for her temper is more or less like a child's; and if she says mine, say, why, everything is yours, and I am yours. Nor is the expression one of flattery, but of exceeding wisdom. Thus will you be able to abate her wrath, and put an end to her disappointment. For it is flattery when a man does an unworthy act with an evil object: whereas this is the highest philosophy. 

'The husband has not power over his own body, but the wife.' 1 Corinthians 7:4 If I have no power over my body, but you have, much more have you over my possessions. By saying these things you will have quieted her, you will have quenched the fire, you will have shamed the devil, you will have made her more your slave than one bought with money, with this language you will have bound her fast. Thus then, by your own language, teach her never to speak of mine and yours. And again, never call her simply by her name, but with terms of endearment, with honor, with much love. Honor her, and she will not need honor from others; she will not want the glory that comes from others, if she enjoys that which comes from you. Prefer her before all, on every account, both for her beauty and her discernment, and praise her. You will thus persuade her to give heed to none that are without, but to scorn all the world except yourself. Teach her the fear of God, and all good things will flow from this as from a fountain, and the house will be full of ten thousand blessings. 

If we seek the things that are incorruptible, these corruptible things will follow. For, says He, seek first His kingdom, and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33 What sort of persons, think you, must the children of such parents be? What the servants of such masters? What all others who come near them? Will not they too eventually be loaded with blessings out of number? For generally the servants also have their characters formed after their master's, and are fashioned after their humors, love the same objects, which they have been taught to love, speak the same language, and engage with them in the same pursuits. If thus we regulate ourselves, and attentively study the Scriptures, in most things we shall derive instruction from them. And thus shall be able to please God, and to pass through the whole of the present life virtuously, and to attain those blessings which are promised to those that love Him, of which God grant that we may all be counted worthy, through the grace and lovingkindness of our Lord Jesus Christ, with Whom, together with the Holy Ghost, be unto the Father, glory, power, and honor, now, and ever, through all ages. Amen.

Celebrating & Strengthening Christian Marriage --- a Wednesday series for 2018

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery 

"Let there be such oneness between us that when one cries, the other tastes salt." (attributed to multiple authors)

“[On what young husbands should say to their wives:] I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us... I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you.” -  St John Chrysostom

"Love that leads to marriage is a gift from God and a great act of faith toward other human beings."- St. Pope John Paul II 

from world traveling nun to Ukrainian Catholic wife & home educator (part 3)

What is your ministry in the church? Our parish life is so important to us. Right now I’ve been helping teach catechism to the younger group of children, and I’ve been learning and helping to cantor the different tones for Liturgy. We want to help out in any way we can! Just this past weekend, we helped our parish with a presentation of the Ukrainian Holy Supper, Свята вечеря, and it was so wonderful! I am truly blessed to be a part of such an active, faithful parish where the members are like family. I thank God every day for this. 

Education and job? I mentioned my time in the convent, but when I left, I got a job with a statewide pro-life organization, and I was really grateful for my time there. I learned a lot about the pro-life movement and how to better help people choose life and respect life. We’ve been busy with our young family for the past several years, but I hope someday to become more active in the pro-life movement again. 

Favorite movie, book, music? For movies, I enjoy science fiction and other “geeky” films, but I also love classic films from Hollywood’s Golden Age. My favorite movie is probably Hitchcock’s “Rebecca” or “Gaslight,” but there are so many movies from the 30s and 40s that I love! For books, I prefer nonfiction or spiritual reading. But I’ve always been a Jane Austen fan, too, and I love classic literature. Music-wise, I have a very eclectic taste! I enjoy some typical pop music but also classical music, sacred music, and international music. 

Hobbies? I have many hobbies! With four young children, though, I don’t always have time to pursue them as often as I’d like, but especially as they get older, I love to share my hobbies with them, as well. I love to sing, and I love to paint. I’d love to study iconography more seriously someday. I also love to make crafty things! I enjoy cooking, baking, and gardening, too. I love fishing, and I’m nowhere near an experienced runner, but I like to run, too.

What is 'cool'/interesting about you? Normally when people ask that, I tell them that I was a nun for 5 years! It’s a pretty unusual thing nowadays! While I was there, I had the opportunity to travel to Portugal and then again to Rome and Assisi. Those were really wonderful experiences, and someday I’d love to travel to Eastern Europe, particularly to where my father’s family is from. 

Also, when I was in the convent, I worked closely with their chaplain, a nonagenarian (he turned 100 this year!) Irish Dominican priest who was the founding editor of L’Osservatore Romano in English, and worked in the Vatican for 35 years. He had so many fascinating stories, and it was such a pleasure (and wonderful learning experience!) working with him. 

If you had $20 and an hour of free time what would you do? Probably go clothes shopping, looking for a good deal! Not very creative, but, it’s true! 

Thank you, Carrie for taking the time to answer these questions- you are a testimony to God's faithfulness!

Click here for part 1

Click here for part 2 

Interested in telling your story in the Church? (East or West)- write me an email at remnantofremnant@gmail.com 

Is Pope Francis open to married men becoming Roman-rite Catholic priests?

There have been rumblings throughout the blogosphere about the latest musings of the Holy Father. Should married men be permitted- as a norm- to be ordained Roman-rite priests?  Dear reader, you should (rightly) say, "Hey, priest's wife! You are Romanian Byzantine Catholic! It is none of your business what the Roman-rite does! keep out of it!" 

don't worry- this is an 'old country' Eastern Catholic seminarian marrying- men wear their best clothing to their marriage, and his clerics would be his best clothing 

Very well. I will keep out of it- after I share some thoughts...these old chestnuts....

Read: Throwing Priests' Wives Under the Bus (about a former Anglican priest turned Catholic priest who stated that he would be a more dedicated priest if he were celibate) 

my words: 

Everyone should accept and develop their lives depending upon their vocation and not advocate against their state in life. It is ungrateful to be otherwise. His public thoughts of being a more devoted priest if he weren't with family responsibilities is unfair. While he can advocate for celibacy in general, theological terms, the specifics of his situation should be positive only. I know these are strong words, but he is ungrateful in that he is a minuscule exception to the celibacy requirement in the Roman-rite. I understand that some married priests want to stay 'under the radar,' so don't mention your marriage at all. We all have misgivings and frustrations with our state in life. 

Have you ever met a mother who is vocal about her preference for the opposite sex that her baby turned out to be? The baby is all dressed in blue, and the mom sighs that she's disappointed that she doesn't get to buy all the cute pink ruffly clothes. I must confess that I find that attitude really disturbing. It's one thing to say 'a girl would be fun' before the sex of the baby is known, but when that sweet baby is in your arms, he needs your total acceptance and love. 

What if your husband was having second thoughts about being married to you? What if he fantasized about being married to the girl he dated before you met him? What if he published a Facebook status update like: "I would be a more devoted husband if I didn't have to deal with Sarah's lupus. I could have devoted more to my career if Maria had married me." Devastating, no? 

Read: Sad Days (about Roman rite commenters who want Eastern-types to shut it) 

my words:

WHY OH WHY do people think that by accepting the East's 2,000 year tradition of married men priests and their dignity and worthiness leads to....married men being ordained de facto in the West, altar girls, extraordinary ministers of the Eucharist, women 'priests,' clown masses, blessings with bubbles and sage, embracing divorce and remarriage, birth control, abortion, meat buffets on Fridays, abandoning Holy Days of Obligation, global warming, etc and etc...We just want our sui juris church to be respected. We love the Holy Father and the Catholic Church. Let me be a broken record for a bit; the Church is bigger than my microscopic rite and the Roman rite- no matter the majority the Roman rite has.

Read: Sex & the Married Priesthood: Ceasing Marital Relations within Marriage a "Praiseworthy Thing"? (a former Episcopalian priest announces that he will no longer have relations with his wife after being ordained a Catholic priest)

my words: 

I say that it is impossible for a loving married couple (a couple not in an extremely rare Josephite marriage from the beginning) to be perfectly continent because marital relations is much more than intercourse. It is an emotional intimacy with another person that a celibate person does not experience. Marital relations is to receive a cup of coffee lovingly from your wife, as you can see from the video of Deacon John. If he entered a monastery, a housekeeper or a fellow monk giving him coffee would be a completely different thing. Marital relations is to be frustrated together over the latest mistake a child has made. Marital relations is to buy the stinky cheese that he likes so much. Marital relations is to clip coupons and soak beans cheerfully. To reduce marital relations to simply sexual intercourse (the lack of intercourse being the perfect continence required supposedly by canon 277) is to reduce us to animals who rut without thinking.

and here is the last blog post I could find about the subject...The Challenge of Celibacy: Let's NOT talk about Sex  (it's about the single life and selfishness) 

my words:

We all know amazing celibate priests who are always thinking of the other person. He might golf on Monday morning as a hobby, but his cell phone is open to calls and he doesn't allow a gate keeper secretary to be a barrier to contact with his parishioners. Celibacy and continence are challenges, but Roman-rite priests know what they are getting into and, I suspect, focus on protecting themselves from sin in these serious matters. Selfishness is a much smaller sin, but it tends to creep in and make itself at home. A selfish person who is also a giver- like I was- work, work, working for God but then ignoring that call that they know is a hospital call. A selfish person insists on his hamburger super-rare (just pass it over a lit candle) even when the waitress says the health board won't let her sell it rare. A selfish person needs, even while complaining of burn-out, to choose all the music selections and flower arrangements so that things will be perfect (for him/her).

agree? disagree? any other thoughts? leave a comment! 

Michael's conversion: his spiritual journey as a new husband (guest post)

Christ is Risen!

“There’s this church next to my work—says it is for Ukrainians. Check it out; your grandmother was Ukrainian. It looks like the Orthodox church she used to take me to.” Those words were spoken to me by my father in 2013. A man far from any professed belief, it was because of that sentence that I, and now my wife, have truly found our home—what is now our pilgrimage on earth to heaven. 

I was certainly a much more devout 21 year old than most others I grew up with in Philadelphia, but my first visit by myself to the Ukrainian Cathedral wasn’t very fruitful. The Liturgy seemed so foreign that I was saddened of my inability to see it for what I now know it truly is. Still, I was determined to get to know this “other Rite” (I know—it's not a Rite) with my then-girlfriend. I tried much too hard to learn and read on my own without proper direction. 

In the meantime, my girlfriend was returning to the (Latin) Church and God was certainly doing His own work within her. I, on the other hand, was gradually drifting away from my spiritual well-being, but still held on because I knew I had to. Little would I know that God had a pretty big idea for us. 

I was still in law enforcement at the time and still serving in the National Guard. During the next few years, we would split our time between the Church where I served Mass and the Ukrainian Church nearby. A few years had passed, and Lucy (now my fiancee at this point in time) was clearly reaching a point where she began living her life for the pleasure of God, began engaging in spiritual reading, and was really becoming the ideal Catholic woman! I was so proud and happy, but I noticed that I had hit a wall in my own faith, a sort of writer’s block for the soul. 

Due to a variety of circumstances, we had to transition to the Ruthenian Church. This is when the story gets good. I cannot pinpoint how, or why, but suddenly, deep within me, while hiding in the back during my first visit, I just knew—this is it. This is where we need to be. Now, it all seemed complete—we were finally learning more, understanding, meeting so many people, reading, praying, being involved—it was all wonderful. Then, my law enforcement career came to a sudden halt right before our wedding. It was like having your whole life planned out and it all being taken from you—imagine the irony. 

Suddenly, I was separated from the only line of work I had ever served in. I lost what would be considered great benefits and a rather luxurious salary Thank God for that, because I found that wall that was holding me back. In my lowest of lows, my fiancee was there for me (of course), but she was there in a different way—it was to point me to God and to His Church. It was during this time that I finally learned that I am a sinner, that I am unworthy of so many things, that I require Our Lord’s mercy every waking moment, and that He wants me to be united with Him. He taught me that I must rely on Him, that I must give my total self to Him, and that I must pray to Him. I learned how to really, really pray, not just recite empty words, but learn how to push through the struggle of prayer, and how to understand the Liturgy, Vespers, Matins—all of it—as an instrument to succeed in prayer of the heart. I suppose like so many others, it was only in my “darkest hour” that my heart became open.   

My time became immersed in Jesus alone. Because of my fiancée, I finally learned how to know God, and I came to find this in Orthodox spirituality—the faith of my grandmother, Anne, who was a wonderful Orthodox woman. 

I often say I wish I discovered the Eastern Churches earlier in life, but I see why it had to wait. I think God needed to remind me not to follow the ways of the world, and to show me what He really wants of me. To say that I am undeserving of a wife of 24 who supports her 26 year-old husband in discerning the priesthood is an absolute understatement. After visits to the seminary, to Pilgrimages, to financial planning—all with her—I can certainly say we are on a tough journey filled with uncertainty and blind corners. However, with the guidance of our pastor, vocations director, and so many wonderful people we have met on the way, we happily make our way on this search for God’s plan for us, knowing that we have now what we didn’t fully have before—faith, reverence, and fear of God—together. 

Please pray for us, and be assured of our prayers for all of you. God love you!"

- shared by Michael Fiocca

Thank you, Michael! We will be praying for you and your family through this journey 

to the new priest's wife, wondering & worrying about the future

This comment was recently sent to me: 

I have been a priest’s wife for just under two days. Please pray for me. I have no idea what the future has in store for us!!

Please pray for this new priest, priest's wife, and any children they have!

Bless this marriage and his priestly ordination and grant unto these Your servants  a peaceful life, length of days, chastity, love for one another in a bond of peace, offspring long‑lived, fair fame by reason of their children, and a crown of glory that does not fade away.

Account them worthy to see their children's children. Keep their wedlock safe against every hostile scheme; give them of the dew from the Heavens above, and of the fatness of the earth. Fill their houses with bountiful food, and with every good thing, that they may have to give to them that are in need, bestowing also on them that are here assembled with us all their supplications that are unto salvation.

For You are a God of mercy and of compassion, and to You do we send up Glory: as to Your eternal Father and Your All‑Holy, Good, and Life‑creating Spirit, both now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen

National Catholic Register's take on Byzantine Catholic Priests' Wives

Take a look at this informative article on Byzantine Catholic priests' wives! We are not 'showcased' very frequently. We are just living our lives, the way we have traditionally lived from the beginning of the Eastern Churches.  Thank you to writer Peter Jesserer Smith for taking the time to interview many priests' wives. 

7 reasons to say YES & marry your Byzantine Catholic seminarian boyfriend

In 2013, I wrote a post entitled '7 reasons NOT to marry your Byzantine Catholic seminarian boyfriend,' I was informed recently that this post betrayed my bitter and resentful heart, the ranting of a priest's wife who perhaps does not want to be one. As you might surmise, I disagree 100% with my critic and stand by my realistic view of married clergy life. I did feel inspired, however, to write a positive post with no qualifications or cautionary tales. Read my 'don't marry him' post for the other side if you like!

  "Marriage is a duel to the death which no man of honour should decline." G.K. Chesterton 

seminarians in the old country wear clerics... and get married in them

1. Why marry a seminarian? He is bound to be the spiritual head of the household- your own Saint Joseph, protector and provider for your family.

2. You will build character. You will be challenged. You will work on virtue. 

3. You can be assured that your husband is constantly praying for grace in marriage and for your salvation. Lots of husbands are like this, but a priest-husband is the best of them all when it comes to prayer for family. He sees the 'wages of sin' up close every day, so a holy priest-husband is alert to attacks from the evil one and prays and uses the sacraments to ward them off. 

4. You will build a strong family culture- father, mother and children. Besides confession and financial council meetings, the family will do just about everything with father, helping the church ministry. Your clergy family culture will mean that you all depend on each other because not many other people will understand your life with its triumphs and challenges. You will develop plenty of family culture inside jokes and 'auto-pilot' ways of getting through the week. Family traditions will come about- very different than other families, but good for you! Perhaps Saint Nicholas does not come until the afternoon; this was true for us for about 12 years. We are also blessed to have extended family comprised of devout Catholics because it really is we plus the extended family 'against the world.' 

5. You really will be the reason why he is able to minister to people on the saddest, most tragic, worst days of their lives. Knowing that there is a family at home depending on him will motivate him to work hard for the kingdom of God- and for you. Knowing that there is a wife waiting at home with a cup of chamomile tea might make it easier to make a sick call in the middle of the night!

6. You will be honored by being close to God is His sacraments. You will most likely need to be at every marriage, baptism and funeral to support your husband in his ministry. You will probably help at the house blessings as well, seeing families in their natural setting and getting to know them better. Because we borrow space from a Roman-rite parish, we have to reserve the Eucharist in our home for the Pre-Sanctified Liturgy on weekdays during the Great Fast. There is a lot of grace waiting for you and the children there in the little tabernacle. 

7. When he is dismissed, discounted, disrespected because of his marital status, you and the children will make it worth it. You, wife of a Byzantine Catholic or Orthodox seminarian, will have a front-row seat to seeing God's grace in action! The sacraments of marriage and holy orders really do work if we let them!