I'm a Roman-rite Catholic- Can I change rite & become a married priest? (repost from 2012)

"Dear Panyi Matka, As a Roman Catholic with an unending love and passion for Eastern Christianity, the Priesthood, and my girlfriend, I want to know if you could provide me with some guidance as to the possibility of moving into the Byzantine Rite of the Catholic Church and becoming a married priest. Thank you and may God be with you and your family always. In Christ, S---."

My first interior response was along the lines of- here is another Latin-rite Catholic 'using' us Byzantines for our traditional Liturgy/married priesthood possibility/opportunity to be a big fish in a very small pond instead of one in five thousand at the local Roman-rite church. He would put up with our smallness and different-ness for a year or two and then go back to his Latin roots (literally- I think the writer is Latino or Italian in origin) But then I got a hold of myself and re-read his question.

Father Maximos of Holy Resurrection Monastery has stated that a person's primary vocation is either celibacy or marriage. This might seem counter-intuitive because the priesthood is an eternal mark on the soul while marriage is not, but one should begin with discerning whether celibacy or marriage is God's plan for their life. The priesthood is a possibility with both a vocation to celibacy (a vocation to celibacy makes being a monk or priest monk possible) and marriage for a man. 

But the Roman-rite has not had a married priesthood as a normal matter of course for hundreds of years. So what does this mean for a Latin-rite man's discernment process? Even if he likes Liturgy and theology and the Church and the idea of becoming a priest, if he has discerned marriage, the priesthood should be off the table. The diaconate is a distant possibility, but diocesan policies usually limit study for the diaconate to a man who has been married for many years. So as heartless as it sounds, a Latin-rite man who has discerned marriage (yes- even before he has found a future wife-possibility) should realize that the priesthood is not available to him. He should not attempt to finagle a way such as become Anglican and then attempt a change to Roman-rite Catholicism  or become Byzantine-rite and then really be Roman-rite with bi-ritual faculties. This is just not right or holy. 

My husband- from the old country where most priests are married with children- discerned both marriage and a hoped-for call to the priesthood when he was seventeen. Everything education-wise and professionally has a connection to his priesthood and his obligation to support his family. When he was in seminary in his country, his bishop invited those seminarians who planned on remaining celibate to study for their Master's degree in Rome. He knew that he planned on getting married, so he declined the invitation. His integrity was more important than that. And I believe that God has rewarded his honorable interactions with his bishop. He was able to study in France for two summers and in Austria for a year. He was given permission to start a ministry in the United States. But he has never been to Rome.

So in a very roundabout way, I am advising the writer to be honorable. If you have discerned marriage, then that is what you must do. If you feel the Byzantine rite truly calling your heart, then  become involved with the closest church and begin the process to officially change your rite. I would hope that your girlfriend would change as well. You should change your rite with no thought to a future priesthood. You need to live about two years of being only Byzantine before you should contact the bishop. Practically, the Romanian and Ukrainian eparchies are more open to married men working towards the priesthood, but the Ruthenian eparchies are more pan-cultural and American. 

Be honorable and be honest with yourself. If your dream as a priest involves Ash Wednesday ash distribution, not singing Alleluia during Lent, preaching in front of a thousand people, rosaries and adoration, the Byzantine-rite will not fulfill the dream. This is why living a Byzantine life for about two years is important for you to discern if this is the life you want. In addition, every pre-seminarian and seminarian (of all rites) must realize that they will or won't be ordained at the bishop's pleasure. The priesthood is not a right even when one has all the education. In the Byzantine rite of ordination, the bishop asks the people- Is he worthy? and the candidate hopes and prays that the people will sing, "Axios!" 

on a very practical note: a married man hoping to be ordained a (Byzantine-rite) priest should figure out how he will support himself and his family. Byzantine-Catholic churches are generally small and poor. If it is very small (like our two missions), he can plan to work an outside job. If grandma or auntie live close by and are willing and the church is too big to be away from, the wife might work outside the home. Different families have different solutions. The writer needs to prepare himself for a future with or without the priesthood.

....And maybe most importantly- the wife needs to be enthusiastic about a possible priesthood. She doesn't need to delude herself into thinking that all will be sunshine and roses. I knew that the day of my husband's priestly ordination was the day that satan really had the desire to destroy him and his family. But I was still game for the adventure. But if the girlfriend/wife is not hopeful and positive about it, stop. This may mean that he should not pursue this path. He was married first. As painful as it might be, he is called to be married first and then find a way to serve our Lord in His Church- just not with the priesthood.

m-ai întrebat: why haven't you, priest's wife, posted in a month? short answer: a battle with a rusty nail & summer plans

Is that a long enough post title? Very catchy, I thought....I'm sure many new readers will be searching for information on rusty nails, toe/foot surgery, wives who became de facto home healthcare nurses, celebrating Divine Liturgy on crutches, and the reason why deacons are lifesavers.

I also haven't posted much lately- even before the nail fiasco- because I am a highly busy person. I won't bore readers with details. I am also a highly sensitive person, so when someone writes me an email stating that they like the old posts better than what I have done in the past year or so- it stings. I am also a highly practical person. So many bloggers are doing so much more than I have the time and talent for, so why should I bother? I have been really enjoying and benefiting from the blog, Amongst Lovely Things. Go visit it!

In any case, we shall see what this space becomes. Summer is a time to slow down and enjoy family and friends. We will report back how that is going ! Blessings to all!

m-ai întrebat: difficulties with married clergy & other questions answered by Father

a reader asks: "You are usually very positive about being married to a priest, but nothing is perfect. What are some negative things about married clergy? And better yet...what are some things that are difficult in your husband's opinion- being married and a priest?"
Balancing spiritual and secular things can be difficult. I suppose time management and money management are also things in life that I am always checking to make sure that I am ministering to the Church and also the domestic church.  
It would be easier from a social standpoint to live in Romania where married clergy- Orthodox and Catholic- are the norm and celibate priests are very rare and usually living in a monastery. Even though most Roman-rite clergy and people are accepting of me and my family, being married and having people be shocked can be stressful. 
Because the money question is usually the top concern from lay people about any possible clergy/celibacy change, I would like to reassure them that I am not 'costing' the Church any money. But because of this, I work a full-time job outside the Church as director of spiritual care.chaplaincy at a local hospital.  So, I am very busy with multiple ministries. This could be a recipe for burn-out, but with family support, at this point, I am doing well, depending on God's grace. Marriage and the priesthood are my vocations. Being married and married to a priest are my wife's vocations. 

What are some positive things about being a priest? more specifically- a married priest? 
Serving people is the best part of being a priest. I like to hear confessions and encourage people in their spiritual journeys. Preparing homilies and preaching are my favorite parts of my priestly vocation as well as encouraging boys and men to serve at the altar and discern possible clergy vocations. It is a privilege to minister to people through all the aspects of their lives and to learn from them as well.
My joy is multiplied by seeing my wife and children's involvement in the Church. They have their own ministries within our church- and even their support in tolerating the irregular, busy schedule is a gift to me. Being married, I also have the support of the grace from marriage and being lifelong friends with my wife who supports, encourages and depends of me. 
Are you obliged to recite the Horologion office privately and daily, as Roman priests must do with the Breviary/Liturgy of the Hours (L.O.T.H.)?
I am obligated to have an active prayer life, using the Byzantine Daily Worship and sacred readings such as the Bible and writings of the Church Fathers. During seminary, all daily prayers from the Horologian were said and every deacon and then priest receives the standard prayer books to continue a stable prayer life after ordination. Promises of specific prayers said daily were not made to my bishop at my ordination, however. 

Who are some of your favorite saints?
I greatly admire St Augustine for his conversion story, St John Chrysostom for his Divine Liturgy and homilies, Blessed Theresa of Calcutta for her example of true service, Saint John Paul for his respect for the East, and Saint Basil with his entire family. 

What is a favorite Bible verse?
These two verses come to mind:
Behold I send you as sheep in the midst of wolves. Be ye therefore wise as serpents and simple as doves. ---Matthew 10:16
No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.---John 15:15

Do you have a favorite saying/writing from a Church Father? 
Here is one: "The love of husband and wife is the force that welds society together. Men will take up arms and even sacrifice their lives for the sake of this love. St. Paul would not speak so earnestly about this subject without serious reason; why else would he say, “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord?” Because when harmony prevails, the children are raised well, the household is kept in order, and neighbors, friends, and relatives praise the result. Great benefits, both of families and states, are thus produced. When it is otherwise, however, everything is thrown into confusion and turned upside-down."  –St John Chrysostom- Homily on Ephesians 5:22-23

Do you think it would be a good idea to have a Byzantine Office of Readings like in the present Roman L.O.T.H.?
I believe our horologian and Byzantine traditions are sufficient for our spirituality. Those of us in Western countries are beginning to strengthen our Eastern traditions with great vespers and other services. This, in my opinion, is what we should develop. One thing that is missing for my eparchy are approved translations from the Romanian of some hymns and prayers. 

What Bible do you use for lectio divina?
I use the 'Orthodox Study Bible,' the Douay Rheims translation as well as the New American Bible. 

Curious Roman/Latin rite reader here: How does the process take for someone like yourself to receive bi-ritual facilities and get permission from both Eastern and Latin-rite diocesan bishops?
In general, both bishops must give faculties- beginning with the 'original rite' bishop. Also, there needs to formation/education and the need for help in the second rite. Bi-ritual faculties are given only when it is the 'perfect storm' of obedience/education/need. Also, bi-ritual faculties are given for only the diocese, so a Byzantine Catholic priest might have faculties for his own rite throughout the country but only Roman-rite faculties for a relatively small space of the Roman-rite diocese

Have you read the comments of Pope Francis at his meeting this weekend with Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew? What are your thoughts? It sounds a lot like he is advocating for a major reform of the papacy. And end to the Schism in our lifetime?
Unfortunately, I have not been able to read a lot about this visit. But he does seem to be emphasizing that we all come from Jerusalem- from Christ. Perhaps he was showing that more important than Rome, Constantinople, Moscow is Jerusalem. We have 40 years before 1,000 years of the Great Schism. It is Christ's will that we be one. The Holy Father seems to be setting the stage for the possibility of unity- not changing the papacy, but reassuring those not iin union now that he will not change their traditions that are holy. 


Father, Matushka was Latin Rite when you met her, right? Could you give some advice to those Byzantine Catholic men who might be discerning both priesthood and marriage with a Latin Rite woman?
Whether marrying a Byzantine Catholic or Roman-rite woman, she should be a partner in your (possible) future ministry. Personally, it would be very difficult for our family life if my wife was busy at a different Roman-rite church. Our family works together as much as possible and we worship together. I would be very wary of marrying a woman who did not share the spirituality; the bishop might be reluctant to ordain a married man whose wife is not a partner in his ministry.

m-ai întrebat: Byzantines & 'offering it up'

A reader asks: "I liked the article you posted about offering things up.  I have never come across Eastern Catholic or Orthodox using that language. I understand the Roman teaching and have taught my children to think of Christ's suffering and unite their pain to His and pray for someone in need. Or I tell them to think of Christ's suffering and be grateful and bear things with patience. But I have avoided telling them to offer things up, I guess I always wondered how it fits in our Eastern spirituality. Can you help me out with this or point me to a similar Eastern thought or practice? Maybe it's been a silly thing for me to even with about?!"

I asked my husband for help on this one. I am always hesitant to make declarations of 'this is how 100% of Byzantine Catholics worship" because I am a mom not a theologian and historian & I am Romanian Byzantine Catholic. Much of which might be a forced 'Latinization' for a Slavic jurisdiction will be just a natural inclination towards the Latin because we are a Latin people. For example, in Romania, you will find the stations of the cross in an Orthodox church. 

In any case, there are many examples of Eastern Christians 'offering up' our sufferings as a sacrifice to God and an offering for the good of another soul. In the Divine Liturgy, the priest prays the 51st Psalm ("O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you have no delight in sacrifice;if I were to give a burnt offering, you would not be pleased. The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise") while incensing the church; the people are praying the great doxology. This means, for me, that their entire Divine Liturgy is an 'offering up.' 

Perhaps we should encourage and tell our children that prayerful behavior at the Liturgy is a sacrifice of a contrite heart to God. And as it is an Eastern practice to pray unceasingly (as with the 'Jesus Prayer'), doesn't it follow that we should try to extend what we do in the Divine Liturgy to our daily lives? If the priest- and the people- is offering a sacrifice in the Divine Liturgy, shouldn't we extend that sacrifice and 'offering up' during the rest of the day? 

During the Great Fast, we celebrate the Pre-sanctified Liturgy on weekdays. One of the most frequent responses is "Let my prayer rise like incense before you, and the lifting of my hands as an evening sacrifice." It is clear that we are 'offering up' our sacrifice to God. 

I think that our beautiful and reverent Liturgies can actually be detrimental to personal and family prayer. After a two hour Liturgy (maybe standing the entire time), a person might feel that they are 'done' for awhile. This might be why we Eastern Christians do not have a version of that blue Pieta prayer book. But we are not 'done.' 

We should learn our holy traditions and practice them as well as we can, but this should not stop us from personal devotions. We should not abandon liturgy-based prayers such as the Akathist to the Theotokos, but this does not mean that a rosary cannot be beneficial to us as well. We Eastern Christians have a different way of seeing things, but this does not mean that the other way is invalid. For unity to be a possibility, our traditions should be practiced by us Byzantines and respected by the West just as we should do the same for their traditions. 

There will be some 'cross-over' for both East and West. The Pre-sanctified Liturgy is a great example of this cross-over; a long, mystic, very Eastern Liturgy written by the future Pope of Rome, Gregory the Great. 

so dear reader, please continue 'offering up' your sacrifices to God- and keep my family and I in your prayers as you are in mine!