Family Size does NOT Equal Birth Control Usage

- I know someone who, married for over ten years, has never become pregnant and has never used any birth control

- I know someone who had six children and used artificial birth control between pregnancies to space the children.

- I know someone who had biological children, got sterilized, later regretted the decision and went on to adopt multiple children. 

- I know a young woman who suffered a stroke from using the pill  for her acne.

 not cool- but many people think "one kid= she's using artificial birth control"

- I know someone married for six or so years who has two children. She doesn't use anything artificial. 

- I know someone married thirty years who has one child. She never used artificial birth control or even NFP to 'space' while waiting for another child.

- Years ago, three of my teaching colleagues discussed their husbands' vasectomies in the coffee room (classy, no?). My colleagues had four children between the three of them. One husband became impotent after the surgery and the two others had urinary problems.

-I have 'only' four children (along with a baby miscarried at 20 weeks) and have never used artificial birth control.

- In my tiny little 'Catholic bubble,' there are married women with no children, one or two children, and up to ten children. They don't use any artificial birth control. Some use NFP to space; some use it to conceive. A few women might be 'Providentialists' and disagree with using NFP for anything but the most grave and serious reasons. But nature and nursing usually keeps even their family sizes to eight or less children. 


Assuming anything when one looks at the family size can be very hurtful. I think every woman has a story- infertility, medical problems, high-fertility, miscarriage, abortion, crisis pregnancy. I can't really think of any woman who doesn't have one kind of issue or another when it comes to baby-making. This is part of our cross as women. In the blogosphere, there are many places for support for infertile Catholic women who are trying to conceive through natural means. They are such heroes to me! The non-infertile blogger Leila has a really great blog list of her infertile Catholic friends- look to the right and start clicking for many, many stories of faithful women who would love to have their first or second (because of secondary infertility) child. There are also many beautiful stories of finding a child through domestic and international adoption. But my point is- unlike the evil comic above, don't assume someone is using artifical birth control. If she is a friend, let her share her story.


“The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal.” said C.S. Lewis. Babies are just about the most wonderful thing on earth, but they don't come without complications. The sword that pierced Mary's heart is also for all mothers and women. So if someone tells you that their one girl-one boy-family is 'perfect' and 'they're done'- you know. If someone is out and announcing how proud she is about 'fixing' her husband, you know. If you are especially close to someone, you might be comfortable asking why she has 'only' one child. Perhaps she is amazed that she was able to have the one child with all her medical complications. And sadly, you can't assume about that family down the street with twelve children. We might think- they are so open to life! But what is sometimes true is a 'quiver-full' mentality where the babies are purposely nursed for less than three months so the mother will get her fertility back so the next arrow in the husband's quiver can be conceived.


“To love at all (or to be a parent or even try to be a parent for even in the openness and desire for parenthood this comes about- P's W) is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” (C.S. Lewis again)...this is all about prayer and making a world where children are seen as gifts. It is about strong, non-abusive marriages. It is about self-esteem for girls (does a girl really need to have sex when she is 15?) and women. It is about decent economic and education policies. It is about a peaceful world where a woman can have some confidence that her child can grow up safe. It's complicated, yes, but it is not all about that Pill.