Thoughts on NFP- wordless wednesday

No Wealth But Life hates NFP

NFP Works

I Use NFP- a new, non-religious site with NFP information

QuickPeeves- some silly, some serious

Since I am incapable of writing a quick takes post without a theme (except that is the whole point!)- here it goes....here are some things that drive me batty!

1.  blatant grammar errors from professional writers- its versus it's, your versus you're, etc, etc- come on- it's not that difficult! I ask my children to be aware; my ESL students are learning the differences as well. So, writers for pay- please don't depend on spell-check.

I love the above cartoon because it uses the word 'grammar,' but it peeves me that it combines it with 'nazi.' I know what the artist is getting at, but it is still just wrong to equate a person who cares about standard language usage to a killing squad of World War II. It belittles the pain that so many went through as well. That being said, I blog for free, so be kind to me when I let typos slip by!

2. police cars that don't signal lane changes- if I don't signal, the police has every right to stop and cite me. So why do they very rarely signal? Is there a reason for this? Perhaps they don't want people to know where they are going? It seems dangerous to me.

3. really soupy fried eggs when I order them "over medium"- I like fried eggs that have the yolk half-cooked, not soupy and definitely not solid. Any tips on how to order? or maybe I should just fry my own.

4. steep budget cuts to the community college systems while upper administrators get raises and bonuses- My gauge of the importance of a job- What if the job was not performed for a month or two? What would happen? By my gauge, trash collectors and doctors have important jobs while administrators I have never seen and who have never been in a classroom are less important.

5. people that make assumptions about me based on my family size. Simcha Fisher wrote a quite cool post about birth control versus contraception and I Use NFP will be launching soon- bookmark it!

6. disabled orphans in Ukraine and Bulgaria and other places being sent to adult mental institutions when they are five or so because they are not getting adopted. Reese's Rainbow is a special ministry to help parents give some of these children a forever family.

 7. kids with electronic devices in church- It had to happen one day. Last weekend, we were travelling for an anniversary party. The vow renewal was at a Byzantine church. There was an eight or nine year old boy playing a game on an IPad the entire time. He was sitting three pews up with grandparent-types. I felt sick to my stomach as the grandmother was making profound bows during the service and her grandson was playing a game in full view of so many people.
Having children respectful and engaged in the Liturgy can be difficult, but it starts with  being in church every Sunday (with a 'this is what our family does on Sundays' no nonsense attitude) and demanding a level of respect for God and those around oneself. Being able to sit for an hour out of respect for others is an important skill that all our children need to work on even if we are not raising them to be church-goers. The grandmother took the easy way out and allowed him to be placated by a video game. 
Yes, children cry and make scenes and even throw up during Mass, but there seemed to be no standards at all for the boy to live up to. It was sad, but it was also frustrating trying to engage my five year old and two year old in the Divine Liturgy while they could see a blinking screen not too far ahead. Perhaps the grandmother thought that her bows would inspire the boy to put away the game and focus on the Liturgy, but it was not going to happen. Sometimes, we need a loved one to just eliminate the distraction before we can hear the beauty of the real world. The Divine Liturgy is a time for everyone to slow down and take a break from all the random cacophony around us. I think the boy hasn't had a break in a long time. 

find more quick takes at conversiondiary.com

Artificial Contraception, Why Not? NFP, Why? A Guest Post from Bear

Thank you, Bear, for this guest post! Bear has been a semi-frequent semi-anonymous commenter of this blog from its beginning who is:

-Byzantine Catholic

- a Philosopher with interests in logic and analytic philosophy

- interested in early music, opera, film, swimming and riding

- owned by a bossy cat

"Reading this other US based blogs, there seems to be a bit of contention among Catholics in the US about the use of NFP and whether it is equivalent to using artificial contraception, and whether it permissible to use. There is a lot of discussion about the Ends - the procreative and unitative  aspects of marriage and the "marriage debt". While such a discussion is often helpful and illuminating, it obviously does not answer the entire question: a more rigourous person could argue that when engaged in sex, the couple should actively intend both ends.

I think that it could be useful to consider why the Church considers Artificial Contraception wrong.

What is the problem with Artificial Contraception?

The difference between NFP and other fertility control is that NFP does not disrupt the natural function of the body or the act. Other fertility control methods either engage in post facto acts of violence (abortion and IUDs) or inhibit the act (condoms and some forms of the pill).

In a Thomist context to remove or to disrupt a natural and good function or ability is disordered: it equivalent to mutilation, such as amputation: one does not cut off a finger for cosmetic reasons, but if it has gangrene then one cuts it off to save the person. This is also the reason why intoxication, whether from alcohol, cannabis, cocaine, crack, heroin &c., is also wrong - because it inhibits the faculty of reason, and often has other side effects.

While this does not mean disordered acts are automatically prohibited and can not be done, there are a couple of consequences. This act can not be the primary reason. That is, it can not be done on its own or be the actual end of an action. There needs to be a good reason for the act. If there is a greater good - for example, saving the life of someone with gangrene - then this mutilation is permissible for that greater good. This is the principle of "Double Effect".

What does this mean for artificial contraception? It means that things like the pill can not be used for contraception, but can be therapeutic reasons to assist a women. Consider, a women is under significant stress and she has menses every two weeks and is becoming anaemic. She is can take medicine to control her menses to ensure that she stays healthy.

My mother used to say about the pill "You don't give medicine to healthy people" - especially if it is to stop their natural functions.

Thus, given that NFP does not alter any natural function and is in the context of marriage, there is nothing disordered with the means. So any objections to NFP will be in the intent of NFP.

Intent

Intent is the purpose of the action (or inaction). Knowledge, while intrinsically good, it a double edged sword. We can use knowledge for good or evil. So while the action of something may not be intrinsically morally disordered, the context and the purposes maybe. For example, genetic sequencing of a virus.

Good if the intent is to find a treatment and a possible immunisation for the virus.

Evil if the intent to determine the best way to genetically engineer the virus so that no one will have immunity then to weaponise this pathogen. The action in each case is the same - sequencing a virus. But the intent is vastly different.

Similarly, NFP uses a body of knowledge about human physiology that allow a couple to know when they are fertile. How the couple use this knowledge is really up to them, and one will have to judge on their intent. 

The most common object to the intent of NFP seems to be that its use is rejecting God's providence, and not showing trust in Him. This is a rather narrow view of God's providence. It also ignores that God has given us reason, and the desire for knowledge and the ability to understand our world. God's providence means that we use our abilities and talents cooperating with the Almighty's plans - the parable of the Talents certainly emphasises that. There are a number of stories and jokes about Gods providence, such as rescuing a man from flood or winning the lottery. There are two points made with these stories. We are expected to exercise our natural reason and talents. It is not a passive acceptance of the divine will and that angels will do our work for us.

God may work in ways we do not expect or understand. Consider a couple who decide that they will trust in God's providence and not work or actively seek a means of living to support their family. We would not consider that an appropriate view of God's providence. We would certainly not think this is an example worth emulating and promoting: and telling couples who are working that they wrong because they are not trusting in God's providence.

This is a rather old problem - the Apostle Paul had this difficulty in some of his own converts, who refused work to trust in God's providence. As the Apostle wrote in 2 Thessalonians 3:10-13. While we were with you, we gave this order: “If anyone doesn't want to work, he shouldn't eat.” We hear that some of you are living in idleness. You are not busy working you are busy interfering in other people's lives! We order and encourage such people by the Lord Jesus, the Messiah, to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. Brothers, do not get tired of doing what is right. So if one wants to say that NFP is not trusting in God's providence, one will have to argue that using the knowledge of human physiology and fertility is somehow disordered.

The usual approach is to argue that NFP intrinsically promotes a "contraceptive mentality". Unfortunately, this is a very vague accusation and since it usually comes as an assertion without arguments, it is difficult to know what it actually means. While, yes, it can be used for contraception, the couple could also abstain altogether, or have a "Josephite Marriage" for contraceptive reasons. I rarely find those opposed to NFP also opposed to "Josephite" marriages.

NFP is also used to assist couples to conceive - again this knowledge is good. If one is opposed NFP for birth spacing, is one also opposed to it for this reason? If so, why? The problem is that the knowledge is there and it is up to the couple how they use that knowledge. To attack NFP is to fundamentally question the motives and virtue of those involved without providing an argument stronger then "I don't like it". This is not really a good argument.

Final Thoughts

When Jesus, our Divine Master, was teaching, he criticised the Pharisees for placing heavy burdens upon people and not lifting a finger to help them. I think He was also speaking directly to us: warning us that we should not lay burdens upon people without considering how it will affect them or providing them with the means to carry the burden. We should also take the Apostle's instruction seriously in getting on with our own lives and work and not interfere with other people's lives.

So unless there is a solid argument that using NFP is disordered, we should not place another burden upon families. Yes, we should trust in the providence of God, but God gave us reason, knowledge and intelligence. These are the highest faculties given in creation, and these are to be used to cooperate with God's providence."

LIFE- worth fighting for

"Sweeter even than to have had the joy of caring for children of my own has it been to me to help bring about a better state of things for mothers generally, so their unborn little ones could not be willed away from them." Susan B. Anthony 1889

"When we consider that woman are treated as property, it is degrading to women that we should Treat our  children as property to be disposed of as we see fit."  Elizabeth Cady Stanton 1873

"I am in no position to judge other women, you know. But I mean, why did she get pregnant? It's not good for women to go through the procedure [abortion] and have something living sucked out of their bodies. It belittles women. Even though some women say, 'Oh, I don't mind to have one,' every time a woman has an abortion, it just crushes her self-esteem smaller and smaller and smaller." Dolores O'Riordan: Lead Vocalist, The Cranberries: (Source: You! June/July 1996)

I found the above video link at Faith and Family Live, and I just had to share it here. Gloria Purvis is speaking from a Catholic standpoint, but I think many other Christians and freedom-loving Americans will find truth here, too. If you or a friend have been hurt by abortion, there are places of healing- the one I know of is Rachel's Vineyard which offers help from Catholic and other Christian perspectives. Feminists for Life and Atheist & Agnostic Prolife League would be a resource for abortion healing with a secular focus. 

"But despite their differences of nature and moral gravity, contraception and abortion are often closely connected, as fruits of the same tree. It is true that in many cases contraception and even abortion are practiced under the pressure of real- life difficulties, which nonetheless can never exonerate from striving to observe God's law fully. Still, in very many other instances such practices are rooted in a hedonistic mentality unwilling to accept responsibility in matters of sexuality, and they imply a self-centered concept of freedom, which regards procreation as an obstacle to personal fulfillment. The life which could result from a sexual encounter thus becomes an enemy to be avoided at all costs, and abortion becomes the only possible decisive response to failed contraception."  Pope John Paul II, Evangelium Vitae, no. 13, March 25, 1995

UPDATE:

A pro-life thing we can all do today: DONATE to Malcolm's adoption fund so he is not sent to an adult mental institution.

Family Size does NOT Equal Birth Control Usage

- I know someone who, married for over ten years, has never become pregnant and has never used any birth control

- I know someone who had six children and used artificial birth control between pregnancies to space the children.

- I know someone who had biological children, got sterilized, later regretted the decision and went on to adopt multiple children. 

- I know a young woman who suffered a stroke from using the pill  for her acne.

 not cool- but many people think "one kid= she's using artificial birth control"

- I know someone married for six or so years who has two children. She doesn't use anything artificial. 

- I know someone married thirty years who has one child. She never used artificial birth control or even NFP to 'space' while waiting for another child.

- Years ago, three of my teaching colleagues discussed their husbands' vasectomies in the coffee room (classy, no?). My colleagues had four children between the three of them. One husband became impotent after the surgery and the two others had urinary problems.

-I have 'only' four children (along with a baby miscarried at 20 weeks) and have never used artificial birth control.

- In my tiny little 'Catholic bubble,' there are married women with no children, one or two children, and up to ten children. They don't use any artificial birth control. Some use NFP to space; some use it to conceive. A few women might be 'Providentialists' and disagree with using NFP for anything but the most grave and serious reasons. But nature and nursing usually keeps even their family sizes to eight or less children. 


Assuming anything when one looks at the family size can be very hurtful. I think every woman has a story- infertility, medical problems, high-fertility, miscarriage, abortion, crisis pregnancy. I can't really think of any woman who doesn't have one kind of issue or another when it comes to baby-making. This is part of our cross as women. In the blogosphere, there are many places for support for infertile Catholic women who are trying to conceive through natural means. They are such heroes to me! The non-infertile blogger Leila has a really great blog list of her infertile Catholic friends- look to the right and start clicking for many, many stories of faithful women who would love to have their first or second (because of secondary infertility) child. There are also many beautiful stories of finding a child through domestic and international adoption. But my point is- unlike the evil comic above, don't assume someone is using artifical birth control. If she is a friend, let her share her story.


“The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal.” said C.S. Lewis. Babies are just about the most wonderful thing on earth, but they don't come without complications. The sword that pierced Mary's heart is also for all mothers and women. So if someone tells you that their one girl-one boy-family is 'perfect' and 'they're done'- you know. If someone is out and announcing how proud she is about 'fixing' her husband, you know. If you are especially close to someone, you might be comfortable asking why she has 'only' one child. Perhaps she is amazed that she was able to have the one child with all her medical complications. And sadly, you can't assume about that family down the street with twelve children. We might think- they are so open to life! But what is sometimes true is a 'quiver-full' mentality where the babies are purposely nursed for less than three months so the mother will get her fertility back so the next arrow in the husband's quiver can be conceived.


“To love at all (or to be a parent or even try to be a parent for even in the openness and desire for parenthood this comes about- P's W) is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” (C.S. Lewis again)...this is all about prayer and making a world where children are seen as gifts. It is about strong, non-abusive marriages. It is about self-esteem for girls (does a girl really need to have sex when she is 15?) and women. It is about decent economic and education policies. It is about a peaceful world where a woman can have some confidence that her child can grow up safe. It's complicated, yes, but it is not all about that Pill.

TMI Re: NFP

Don't worry; I'm not going to regale you with tales of CM....but NFP has been on my mind after reading Simcha's post and the subsequent comments. The original writing speaks for itself; I certainly couldn't have said it better....but Mr. 'Last Catholic in Boston' in the combox inspired this post.

Remember when, as a teenager, you said "Everybody's doing it" as a response to Mom and Dad being so mean as to not let you stay out until midnight on a school night? Mom and Dad knew that everybody was not doing it; in fact, all the teenagers were using the same argument in the hopes that their parents would fall for it.

What does this have to do with NFP and passionate commenters? Well- everybody (some statistics state that 90% of baptized, married Catholic couples use artificial birth control- I can't believe that it is that bad) is doing it, using artificial means to avoid a pregnancy. We remnant of remnant-type people who follow the Church's teaching on life are not immune to criticism from the super-duper trads, however. From what I could surmise, 'Last Man' believes that if a couple isn't actively seeking pregnancy, the couple needs to abstain for months and years on end instead of using the signs of fertility that God has given us. Then WHY- 'Last Man' did God give women monthly cycles?

One use for NFP (ignored by 'Last Man')- or simply being aware of a body's cycles- is to actually try to conceive or stay pregnant. Here's where the TMI comes in: After Baby #2 was born, I got sick (black mold in clergy housing....long story) and had lupus symptoms. We lost our next pregnancy at 20 weeks.  Then, I experienced what may have been very, very early (less than a week) miscarriages. So....I got a pro-life doctor to give me a standing prescription for progesterone to take when I could be less than a week pregnant to sustain the pregnancy. He also gave me blood thinners to counteract any autoimmune problems that would attack the placenta as it had with the 20-week old. Not very romantic, but it is not against Church teaching to sustain the pregnancy this way after natural conception. So- using NFP made it possible to know when I was pregnant so I could take the drugs to stay pregnant. And we have two extra-special, much-loved kids because of that. So take that, 'Last Man'!

In any case, Simcha has it right- the percentage of couples that don't use artificial means to prevent pregnancy is sadly minuscule- can't we NFPers and really-big-family-types all get along?


totally off-topic- but if you don't follow "Like Mother..." read this post anyway- it's the best ever!