How to be a Perfect Mom (& Priest's Wife)

Are you still here? Good- because I have more advice on how to be perfect! Again, some of this advice will work for any mom, some I failed at and have learned my lesson, some I never really had a problem with, and some I still fail miserably at- here we go again...

Your attitude determines your kids' attitudes (gulp.)- If you are glum and bitter about being flexible on holidays, your children will be, too. If you gossip about a parishioner, they will have negative words to say, too. If you complain about fasting, of course the children are going to have bad attitudes! It is difficult and sometimes embarrassing; children are mirrors of their parents- especially in the early years. Try to make life an adventure and they will be more likely to keep the faith when they are adults.

Don't expect your kids to be more organized than you (gulp again.)- Do you expect your children to make their beds while your own bedroom is messy? I am guilty of this. I am working on this. I definitely feel more peaceful and satisfied with our little house when it is clean and organized. And it is much easier to help with parish life when we can find the bulletins or music books or stationary supplies.

Little pitchers have big ears-This is where the chamomile tea with husband comes in- really try to shield your children against the harsh realities of life while you can. Do they need to know that their father baptized yet another child at the hospital who wouldn't make it through the night? Will they benefit if they know that a parishioner said something negative to me? I try to be charitable in my speech in general- and especially when the children are listening.

Model respect for differences- My kids know that I wish everyone were Christian and Catholic and more were of the Byzantine variety. They also know that there are bits of truth everywhere and we as a family are not going to condemn anyone. I might judge someone's behavior but I cannot (thank God) judge a  person's soul. I hope my kids are getting the idea that God really loves everyone. A practical way of modeling respect for differences is not allowing our children to ridicule other cultures. My girls are singing a song in Hebrew for choir, and the boys in the group (of course) were exaggerating the 'ch' sound and pretending to spit. My girls just sang the song beautifully- I was proud of them

Help them cultivate friendships with other priest's kids- We are a rare breed. Use email, Skype and snail mail so that your kids are not the only ones.

Help them cultivate friendships with kids from the parish and not from the parish- My big girls go to Little Flowers with friends from our Catholic homeschooling group. None of these girls have been to our missions, so my daughters conform to the Western-rite ways when they are there. They have a great time with these solidly Catholic pre-teens, but it is also nice to be with friends who are of the same rite and whose parents come from the same old country where it is strange when a priest isn't married with kids. I think having friends from both groups is important to my children's tolerance of diversity and their future in America that is not Eastern-rite. They need to be able to respond and deal with the comment- "Your Dad's a PRIEST?!" But they also need a break from the Western way of looking at things.

Help them find their niche at church-  As your children get older, they will (hopefully) be willing and able to serve in different capacities at church. Encourage them and remind them that just because their father is in a position of greatest influence does not mean that they can be a 'mini'- boss. And just like you, their obligation as they get older is to participate (my mother insisted that we sing at Mass even when we were semi-sullen teenagers- we obeyed and survived) in the Liturgy. Every other task is a gift to the parish and should be their choice to make.

Pray with them & Pray for them- PKs should be guided in their relationship with God. Yes, they are always in church and they participate in the life of the church.  This leads parents to have a false sense of security. Parents- don't relax. Satan just loves scandal and is trying to trip us up- be vigilant. Help your children have a personal relationship with God.

A few random ideas on making church days run smoothly-

• Buy a van- I suppose SUVs are 'cooler,' but there is nothing worse than having to tell a parishioner that your child smashed their car while opening a car door. Sliding doors, je t'aime.
• Figure out how you can refrain from buying stuff on Sundays- it is just more peaceful staying out of the Temple of Stuff on Sundays. Have dinner waiting in a crockpot, freeze yogurt overnight and bring to church (it will be yummily semi-frozen for a quick snack when services are over), get gas the night before, & pretend you live in rural Europe where stores are closed on Sundays and people prepare for it- Sunday comes every week!
• Lay everyone's clothes (socks, undies and shoes as well!) out the night before. My mother did this; it probably helped her sanity with five children. My sister with all those boys is quite organized- the boys always wear khakis. Their wardrobe is limited, but they always look respectful and put together.
• Yesterday I wrote that you might have a box ready and waiting for church days, filling it with things along the way. If you have really young ones, make sure the box has a tight fitting lid or they will undo your work and bulletins and linens will be scattered throughout the house.
• ANY MOM- Please write YOUR go-to tips on getting out of the house Sunday morning peacefully in the comments below.
  

& yes- sometimes even the priest's kids just need to "smile and wave."

source: dreamworks

One aspect of being a good priest's wife has been missing yesterday and today- self care (it isn't selfishness!). So I guess I am not finished with this series...more to come...