a simple wedding- a perfect MARRIAGE

Thirteen years ago today, husband and I got married. And we still are.

Oh- you want details!

Even the simplest of weddings can get complicated. I was almost late (not because I was getting hair and nails done- no money for that) because I was searching the town for lady finger cookies to go with the honey that represents the sweetness of life. Husband was almost late because brother-in-law was cutting his hair. The bishop made the wedding almost late because of all his vestments. But I think we started on time.

We got married on Pentecost Sunday, so our wedding was about two and a half hours long. Most Byzantine weddings are simply the wedding; there is no actual Divine Liturgy. Even so, the crowning is about an hour long. Ours was longer because of the bishop and it being Sunday and just me insisting that there would be a Divine Liturgy. The complication? Our cantor was unable to be there, so husband and I cantored our own wedding- except for some singing from a couple from the old country and the bishop singing the epistle (no- that is not a Byzantine tradition- just him saving the day).

Although we had the wedding at my parents' Roman Catholic parish (a very pretty country church with its original statuary), the ceremony and Divine Liturgy was 100% Byzantine. About half of the wedding party was Roman-rite, so there was a lot to learn. So, the night before, we had a rehearsal and then went to the local bowling alley for fun, along with a pot of old country cabbage rolls I had made.

The 'simple' part of the wedding was the party afterward (because a Byzantine ceremony is never simple). When you are young and after four years in Europe making a $100 stipend per month (memory fades; I think that is right), there is no money for all that a wedding can be. So, we had a little party in the church basement. There was no alcohol even though- if husband had been married in the old country- there is a barrel of hard liquor made when he was a small boy in preparation of his wedding. Food was buffet style; I hear it was good. I did have a pretty pinata for the children in remembrance of my Southern Californian childhood. The cake was from the local grocery store, and the topper never made it to the hall. I stuck a rose on the top of the cake instead.

We saved money- but not our sanity- by having my brother be in charge of the music. Unfortunately, our wedding was his first date with his future wife. I'll get over it someday, but I think he was distracted and in a silly mood. First, he played the nine-minute version of the "Blue Danube Waltz." People got bored, and we were sweating. Then, he played "Let's Get It On" by Barry White. And we had to dance to that on front of our bishop. Haha, very funny, brother. We tried to get our revenge the next year at his wedding, but they didn't care.

But for all the simplicity, the only true regret is that husband's family was not there. At the time, entry visas to the United States from the old country were very hard to come by. And we didn't have the money for the airplane tickets in any case. Visas are still required, so my in-laws have never been here. A wedding, four births and baptisms- they have never been here. We have been 4 or 5 times since the children have been born (imagine me alone and four kids on a 14-hour flight...my husband at home, working). We imagine our fifteenth anniversary in two years with a big party and all four grandparents. We hope and pray that can happen.

memento mori

Remember your death- this is the manner in which Carthusians monks would greet a fellow brother. They weren't being morbid; they were reminding their brother to live his life in the prism of the final things- death judgement, Heaven, hell. Today, this Memorial Day & with tragic stories of families destroyed coming from the ornado-wracked south east. All I have to offer is prayer....

Give rest, O our Savior, with the Just, to Your servants, and set them in Your courts, as it is written. And overlook in Your goodness their sins, voluntary and involuntary, and all they committed knowingly and unknowingly, O Lover of men. Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen. Christ our God, Who did shine on the world from the Virgin, through her making us children of light, have mercy on us.

With the Saints give rest, O Christ, to the souls of Your servants, where there is no pain, no sorrow, no sighing, but life everlasting. You alone are immortal, who did make and mold man. But we mortals were formed from earth, and to the earth we return, as You who created me did command and say to me, "You are dust, and to the dust shall you return," where all we mortals are going, and for a funeral dirge we make the song: Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

Praying for all the fallen this memorial day in the United States

Have yourself a made-in-China-free Christmas

Someday, I am going to be a radically perfect woman who eats all organic from my personal farm, makes most clothes from hand-woven cloth and buys only fair trade goods. That day is not today. I believe in small changes for the betterment of my immediate family and can simply hope that other families are doing even more and believing in the 'let peace begin with me' way of life.

I have been pretty successful with not buying Christmas and Easter decor from anti-Christian China for the past few years, and I am going to continue. Yes, other countries are also not-so-perfect, but I am starting somewhere. And China is such a giant of  industry, it makes other anti-Christian countries' seem like ants in their efforts to compete. In any case, if I don't start somewhere, I will be paralyzed and do nothing.  Here are some ideas I am going to use that you also might find helpful

1. If you want to join me in reducing your purchases from Chinese manufacturers for Christmas time, we have to start planning now! Make a budget & decide with immediate and extended family about gifts, special meals and travel.

2. Go handmade or thrifted- start with ebay, etsy, and maybe craigslist for ideas for gifts. Buy as you go along. Etsy is a treasure trove of endless handmade delights. So be careful with the pocketbook. You can even have something created only for you with artists competing for your project. You can't do this in December, so start now.

3. Once again, organization is key. Keep a box in your closet for the presents you have already bought (perhaps one box for presents to be mailed and one box for presents that will stay in the house). Duct tape the shopping bag closed for each gift and maybe use a sharpie pen to label it in secret code. I don't wrap until December. Keep a list in your wallet of the people that you have gotten a gift for so you don't forget (ask me how I know)

4. It's hard to feel creative now- school is wrapping up & summer can be the busiest season of all, but start planning and making handmade gifts now. I'm going through all my wayward crafting and sewing items and starting from there. My extended family doesn't 'need' anything, so they will be getting either consumable items or sentimental stuff that they can't get rid of! My family isn't the type that exchanges the latest electronic gadget so there isn't pressure to spend a lot- but I have to get packages in the mail early to save money and stress. My goal is to finish all the gifts before November15th- the beginning of St Phillip's Fast (Advent)

5. Buy less, reuse more, fix what is broken, take care of what you have, find ideas for Advent & Christmas now in blog archives and start now, tell kids they will have an experience (riding lessons, skating party with friends after Christmas day, picnic & movie with dad, visit to grandma's, tea with auntie, etc, etc) rather than an I-Pad 2 like their next-door neighbors, choose a good charity and donate with the children, make some simple quilts for the local crisis pregnancy center, choose a family on the giving tree (but still steer clear of junkish toys) decorate with less and it will be more elegant, clean out the pantry and bake with the entire family- everyone cleans up, bring back bringing plates of cookies to neighbors and co-workers (find a good sugar cookie recipe and then sprinkle in different color-easy), plan to find your place in church & volunteer your time & talents

6. Click on the 'China' topic at the bottom of this post for older posts on this topic. I am probably repeating myself, but I feel strongly about this issue.

7. Just to let readers know, I do not look a gift horse in the mouth and inspect things given to me to see if it was made in China. Not everyone is concerned with this issue, and I am not where I want to be yet- I'm going to try to take the plank out of my eye first. It is a challenge to not buy from China. It is basically impossible when one is on a budget. But I believe we should attempt to reduce our dependence on Chinese manufactured goods as we should reduce dependence on foreign oil. So maybe all we can do right now is walk more and thrift more.

Reasons to Boycott Chinese Made Goods  

with permission from deltaflute.blogspot.com

1) Safety- there have been toys testing positive for lead paint and tainted dog food

2) China frequently imprisons political dissidents who want democracy in China

3) China has hacked into Google and continues to pose a threat to security in the Pentagon

4) China is placing long range missiles to target Japan, Taiwan, the Philippines, and Guam

5) China dominates the Yellow Sea

6) China sends spies to the United States

7) China invaded and continues to occupy Tibet destroying its culture.

8) China lays claim to Taiwan despite the Taiwanese having an independent government.

9) China is a Communist country with only one political party.

10) China heavily restricts religious freedom.

11) China heavily restricts freedom of speech and information.

12) Many American companies have set up shop in China leaving the US factory worker without a job.

13) China has a one-child only policy. This forces Chinese to make the painful decision to abort or have to support another child on their own.

14) Unfair labor conditions for the average Chinese worker

PrettyHappyFunnyReal

Pretty

a pretty baby being baptised

Happy

happy times with some of the cousins

Funny

fake tarantulas are always funny, right?

Real

at a museum remembering life under communism

find many more PrettyHappyFunnyReal links at like mother like daughter

Strong Cheesy Opinions

I'm 'in' a wedding in less than two weeks! I'm not really certain how I can be since I have been unsuccessful in finding a babysitter to wrangle my two little ones during the nuptial Mass, but it is what it is. No matter what, it will be a very joyous, sacramental occasion celebrating the union of a lovely, committed couple.

Planning a wedding brings out the opinions in people, don't they? I got what I wanted- modest, pretty dresses for my two big girls who are junior bridesmaids. After that, the bride can do whatever she pleases! Well, others have not been as easy to please as I...(please read a bit of humor & self-deprecation into my egoism...)

Half of the guests are from the old country, and they will need substantial food to get them through the half hour necessary for photo taking between the Divine Liturgy and the dinner (actually, if they fasted in preparation for the Liturgy, they will be objectively hungry). The bride & groom are paying for the food, and some volunteers are helping with the church hall reception.

Discussing the menu, the bride told the man in charge of the kitchen her plans for the appetizers. This is how the conversation went- word for word:

Bride: For appetizers, we'll have salami and this ham I got on sale along with vegetables like roasted peppers and homemade pickled vegetables and some dips my mom is making to go with bread. And we'll have-- various ethnic foods that I don't know the English for-- on the buffet table for people to eat while we take pictures. And we will have feta cheese and swiss cheese.

John: I don't like swiss cheese.

Bride: Well, the swiss cheese is on sale and money is tight.

John: I don't know anyone who likes swiss cheese.

Bride: (laughing) Well, Groom and I like swiss cheese!

John: Swiss cheese is just too strong.

Bride: (trying to smile) Well, we already bought it because it was on sale.

John: Ugh. Swiss cheese.

Me: (smiling & waving & changing the subject) What's your favorite cheese, John?

John: I don't eat cheese. I'm lactose-intolerant.  

(Swiss cheese isn't my favorite- but I will be eating lots of it at the wedding!)